Hello Again

Hello again! It’s been about a year and a half since I have written in this space. A lot has happened since I last wrote. A lot. I have been thinking so much about picking this space back up over the last several months. The last several months that in many ways have felt like years.

When I last wrote, we were a year into our move back to the US. Since then…

  • My Dad underwent treatment for his cancer, and he beat it! He’s gotten stronger every day since.
  • I started (and have nearly finished) nursing school. I have met some of my best friends. I have developed a passion for science and understanding the body and especially a renewed passion for maternal health…
  • I got offered my first RN job in the Labor & Delivery Unit at Methodist/Riley. Surreal. Grateful.
  • We have done countless projects and renovations to our house since that initial blitz I wrote about last.
  • We celebrated 7 and 8 years of marriage.
  • Otis went to daycare for the first time and loved it.
  • Eleanor finished preschool and pre-k, and she is about to start kindergarten!
  • COVID-19 hit globally, and the conflict in my heart and mind as someone entering the healthcare profession is great.

This year has not been expected. Not for anyone.

The other night, Robbie and I were sitting on our (newly renovated) back deck and chatting. I said to him, “This year has been awful in many ways in the world, but this year is huge. This year I am becoming a nurse, and this year cannot end awful…at least not inside our home.”

With every day that has passed this year, I have thought about deleting social media. In March, at the start of the pandemic and stay-at-home orders in the US, social media did so well. Some Good News by John Krasinksi came out, people were sharing positive stories amidst the uncertainty and pain. There were people cheerleading frontline workers in hospitals and grocery stores. There were fundraisers to help get proper PPE where needed. There were images and graphics offering hope.

Then it kept going.

We got tired.

Now, I log on and quickly feel…sad, defeated, angry, confused, anxious. I don’t feel hope in what I see online hardly anywhere, and that is so sad to me. Our presence online is at least partially reflecting how we are doing as a whole, and in that scenario, we aren’t doing well.

So I want to delete it. I want to close my eyes. I want to stop feeling all those feelings.

However, something is compelling me to stay. Something is pulling me to this place to do my little part to add some good back to all the pain, all the anxiety, all the confusion. (*Note: I do think it is ok and appropriate to get off social media for a time, to unfollow people who only cause you anxiety or overwhelm…there is a time and place for that 100%.)

When I post something online, I often have a little conversation with myself. Whether I am sharing my own photo and caption or want to share someone else’s, I often find myself asking, “Who is this for?” “Why am I sharing this?” “Is this serving my own agenda?” “Will this bring someone joy and hope?” “Or will this bring someone pain, confusion or shame?”

I think sometimes we forget (or minimally underestimate) the power of our presence online. Good or bad. I think we are quick to share without thinking through the ramifications of our sharing.

I won’t be able to change the world, but I do know that in my simple presence online, as small as it may be, I want to bring hope, joy and peace. Our world doesn’t need more pain. It doesn’t need more confusion. It’s e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e right now. Everywhere. We don’t need to bring more to an already overfilled table. What we need to bring is a glass of water, a warm blanket, a box of tissues, an uplifting word or a smile. Let’s bring that.

I hope to write more here, and as much as I have opinions and stances on things, I want to bring hope, joy and peace to this world more than anything.

See ya soon!

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